You know you're from upstate New York when...

• TrueValue Hardware on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas
• You think everyone from the city has an accent
• You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only eight buttons
• You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car
• The local paper covers national and international headlines on l/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports
• You think the most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun
• You think that mosquitoes have landing lights
• You think the start of deer hunting season should be a national holiday
• You head south to go to your cottage
• You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck
• You know which leaves make good toilet paper
• You've ever kept food cold by putting it on the back porch
• The mayor greets you on the street by your first name
• There is only one shopping plaza in town
• You attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your snowmobile boots
• You can play road hockey on skates
• Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout
• The municipality buys a zamboni before a bus
• They build a new store right in front of a vacant one of the same size.
• You try to go out to dinner at 8:30 PM and everyone's already closed.
• You can go to any mall on Saturday and see at least 5 people you either work with, went to school with or dated.
• You wake up from a deep sleep, look at the clock and see that it's 6:00 but you have no idea whether it's am or PM.
• A flagpole strung with white lights seems like an acceptable alternative to a municipal Christmas tree.
• Half the change in your pocket is Canadian, eh.
• Half the television channels you get are Canadian, eh.
• From May to October there is a festival every weekend celebrating a different fruit, vegetable, or agricultural product.
• The sound of a hard "a" doesn't bother you.
• You complain that the bars downtown are filled with "SUNY kids."
• You're shocked by housing prices everywhere else on the planet.
• When your college friends made fun of "townies," you empathized with the townies.
• You saw Vanessa Williams when she made local appearances as Miss Greater Syracuse.
• You know where to find parking spaces in Skaneateles.
• You've actually heard of Skaneateles.
• You know where to find free parking spaces in downtown Syracuse.
• You're surprised that people from other parts of the country know nothing about lacrosse.
• Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
• "Vacation" means going to Rochester for the weekend.
• You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
• You use a down comforter in the summer.
• Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
• You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
• You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
• You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them.
• You live in a house with no front steps and the front door is 3 feet above the ground.
• You believe that "down south" means Maryland.
• You experience spring as three days and a weekend that rains.
• If your car ever appeared to be salt white.
• If your car ever froze solid and you couldn't open the doors
• If you ever had to say, "No, I am not from the city."
• If you think that Buffalo, Rochester, Syracuse, Utica and Albany are big cities.
• If you still have winter tires in May.
• If you describe the size of Lake effect snow using both hands.
• If you describe the size of Real Buffalo Wings using both hands.
• If you do most of your holiday shopping at Wegmans
• You suffer a heart attack while shoveling snow out of your driveway.
• You become irritated with flatlanders who think that Upstate New York consists only of Westchester and Rockland counties.
• You know what a "flatlander" is, and you know that the proper use of the word is as an insult.

On matters gastronomical...

• You only own three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup
• You have 10 favorite recipes for venison
• At least twice a year, your kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant
• The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer
• You know what "Salt Potatoes" are, and that they are obtainable all year long from Price Chopper.
• Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six pack of Genny Light and a bucket of Buffalo wings.
• You think of the major food groups as deer meat, beer, fish, and wings.
• Your first beer was a Genny "Red Eye."
• You used to think Genny Cream was a "good beer."
• You remember Utica Club Cream Ale.
• You don't know what grits are.

On matters meteorological...

• It can be 70 degrees one day, below freezing the next, and you think nothing of it.
• You know the 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and construction
• You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit
• You have more miles on your snow blower than your car
• You've gone trick-or-treating in a blizzard
• Driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow
• There's an 800 number to report a pothole in the road.
• Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof
• You find -20F a little chilly
• People actually cheer when it appears that we are about to break the all-time seasonal snow-fall record of 192.2 inches.
• You woke up extra early to predict the probability of snow days.

And the most likely indicator that you are from Upstate New York is:

You actually 'get' these jokes.