Neurodivergency

Clinical Depression, ADHD, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Autism, and other related issues.

Storm Warning

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I see a bad moon rising,
I see trouble on the way.
Don’t go out tonight, ‘cuz it may just take your life.
There’s a bad moon on the rise.

The results of the 2024 election devastated me. I have voted in presidential elections before, and sometimes my candidate didn’t win. That is always disappointing, but this was more than that. This election took away any and all hope I had for this country.

This especially hits hard for a neurodivergent, or anyone else with a “disability.” (Some conditions are labeled as disabilities that really shouldn’t be, but in this context that isn’t important.) There is an image from 2016 showing future president Trump openly mocking a disabled journalist. (I’ve mirrored it below.) I don’t think I need to elaborate on what that says. For an ablest like Trump, people with physical disabilities, and those of us who who fall on the neurodivergent spectrum, are little more than a joke and a nuisance. His cult tends to follow suit, and currently they hold most of the reins. The next two years, at least, are going to be difficult.

I wanted to expand more on how this second election of Trump might affect the lives of neurodivergent people, through the changes he wants to impose. But when tried to write it I became so upset that I had an emotional meltdown. The topic filled me with so much hopelessness, anger, and frustrated rage that I found myself largely incapable of discussing it.

So I’ll look at that emotional reaction instead.

There are many accounts of how neurodivergent people have difficulty regulating their emotions. A stressful situation, for example, may compel us to run from the situation. Over excitement may cause us to start acting frantic, or suddenly need to go somewhere quiet. Something very sad or traumatic may cause us to go into a prolonged crying fit. Or worse, cause us to completely shut down.

What causes this? A psychiatrist or psychologist could probably give a comprehensive explanation, and if any of those are reading this I would like to hear it. But speaking only for myself, it’s like having to push something through a hole that is simply too small. Some actions create such a strong emotional response that the body isn’t able to contain it. A good analogy might be a typical household appliance being hit by a bolt of lightning: it’s going to stop working. Some of us develop “surge protectors” to protect and guard against such events. But those only go so far.

For me, the comprehensive set of events surrounding Trump’s second election were a blatant display of injustice, cruelty and hypocrisy that I didn’t think was humanly possible. When trying to write about it, I was unable to contain my emotions. I was trying to deal with them by writing things down. I had some luck on that front, and I might be able to continue later. But at the time, the torrent was fast, loud, and unrelenting. At one point I banged my head against the wall and made a rather impressive divot. Since my mood was adversely effecting my wife and daughter, (even the cat was disturbed), I ended up isolating myself and taking a short nap.

I’m remembering a problem my father used to have when the topic of his parent’s divorce came up. He was incapable of discussing it, or even really talking about it. He would usually get defensive and verbally aggressive, or he would silently close down. But he could never, ever discuss the effect the divorce had on him. Even when we tried to get him to break the issue into small, manageable parts, that didn’t help. He was unable to break it into small pieces. That issue was, for him, one large, unbreakable sphere of pure stone that would not and could not be broken.

Again, a professional would have a more comprehensive take on this. But my amateur observation is that there is more than one emotion in play when these log jams occur. Unfortunately, the various emotions are tied to one another and are tangled and interconnected like a jumble of hyperactive worms. Any attempt to isolate one facet of the issue ends up pulling many others into play before progress can be made. Different layers and undertones are always demanding attention, and in a way that can not be ignored, postponed, or regulated. The whole wriggling emotional mess has to be dealt with in its entirety, or not dealt with at all.

So, what do we do? I’ve been told that for neurodivergents, and in fact anyone with mental health issues, this type of emotional overload isn’t uncommon. Heck, I know some neurotypicals who have reactions on this scale. It may take them longer to reach a breaking point, but it still happens. Some of us deal with it better than others, and many of us have developed coping methods. I’ve had to start developing new coping methods, because the ones I used to use don’t seem to work as well as they used to.

Writing things down is one way. I often end up with a bullet list of key observations or points. Referring back to that ball of worms, as soon as I describe one worm I need to describe another one, and another, and another, and so on until my pencil breaks or I get writer’s cramp. But sometimes it helps. In a way, the emotional problem has been broken into smaller more manageable parts. Or at the very least, some major issues have been identified, and can be addressed when in a better headspace.

Meditation and breathing exercises, which I touched on in an earlier article, are another approach. The key here is to free yourself of distractions, especially ones that remind you of the offending issues. If you can do this, and spend a few minutes doing the Four-Seven-Eight breathing method, at the very least your pulse will return to normal.

I recently learned of another method, from an actual therapist. It involves drawing and tracing a figure-eight pattern on a piece of paper or tablet. After drawing the figure-eight, spend a certain amount of time slowly tracing the pattern, constantly keeping your eyes focused on your writing instrument or stylus. Use a timer if one is available, or, follow a set number of laps around the pattern.

In each of these examples, the two halves of the brain are being forced to work together, in a slow, repetitive task. When we go into an emotional meltdown, the mind has gone into a type of fight-or-flight pattern. The goes into a frenzy, ready to go berserk combating whatever it is that caused the reaction. Or, it goes into a cold, calculating pattern that can generate some pretty gruesome ideas and even worse actions. It depends on which half of the brain takes control; neither one is good for us. Using one of these three approaches will force the mind out of such a pattern. The combination of visual tracking, motor skills, and time awareness, serves as a sort of soft reset for the brain. This makes it possible to think clearly again.

Emotional meltdowns are difficult to live through, and can easily do serious damage to our lives and the lives of those around us. So if you find yourself falling into an emotional torrent, try to take a breath and pause. Try one of the techniques described above, or if you have of another method that works for you, use that. But above all, don’t fall too deep into the darkness. It can be very difficult to crawl out of later, and rarely does anything to solve the core issues. It’s important to keep a level head, especially in these chaotic times.

Stay safe, everyone.

For all of you neurodivergents out there, do you ever have moments of emotional overload? Does the current state of affairs in the United States fill you with anxiety, or any other strong emotion? And if so, how do you handle it?

Images from Shutterstock and Pinterest.

Circadian two-step

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Early to bed and early to rise… makes a neurodivergent irritable as hell!

On Sunday (January 5) I was presented with a unique opportunity. A heavy winter storm was approaching the area, so to be safe, my workplace announced it would be closed on Monday (January 6). But in order to make sure everyone gets their forty hours of work this week, everyone would be working ten hour days for Tuesday through Friday. I wasn’t very happy about this, but there wasn’t much I could do beyond complain. And that wasn’t likely to get any useful results, so I didn’t bother.

However, since I had absolutely no schedule for Monday, I decided to do an experiment and let my body go to bed when it was ready to, and get up when it was ready. My mind seems to be most productive, and most focused, between the hours of 4pm and 9pm. And I have often joked that if left to my own devices I would stay up until the wee hours of the morning, sleep until around noon, and work my job from mid-afternoon until mid to late evening.

I ended up turning out the light around 3:00am last night, and got up around 11:30am today. It would seem that my circadian rhythm is that of a night owl, which didn’t surprise me in the least. I became a night owl in college, and have largely remained one ever since.

A quick internet search pulled up a number of studies that connect ADHD (and other neurodivergent conditions) with circadian rhythms that don’t neatly align with the rise and fall of the sun. Many of them correlate to chemical patterns in the brain and nervous systems that effect sleep patterns. People with ADHD, for example, often stay up later than most, often because it’s difficult for their minds to quiet down until the body is completely exhausted. Some more severe conditions can lead to insomnia, or at the other extreme, narcolepsy. Lisa and I sometimes joke that we have trouble falling asleep because “our brain won’t shut up.” Chemistry in action!

But does this correlation between late-leaning circadian rhythms and neurodivergency suggest a causation? That’s an interesting question, and is a subject of ongoing research. I tried to come up with an explanation, but none of my ideas held together. Conventional wisdom says that one can train their circadian rhythms to conform to one schedule or another by strictly adhering to a specific time schedule for a prolonged period of time. Many people have been able to achieve this, especially those who work at night. But this has not been my personal experience. I generally get up at 5:30am to be at work for 7:00am, and most of the time I have little difficulty. But when the weekend arrives, and I am temporarily free of the timetable, I instantly revert to staying up very late (on Friday and Saturday) and sleeping late (on Saturday and Sunday). One would think that after several months of this strict weekday schedule, my body would remain on that schedule all the time. Instead, if given the opportunity, my body instantly snaps back to the “night owl” schedule I had back in college. I am therefore inclined to think that neurodivergency does have a causation effect on the circadian cycle, but I suspect it would be difficult to demonstrate.

I’m going to leave that to the psychiatrists, neurophysicists, and other experts on the workings of the brain.

Because of my night owl tendencies, I have considered moving to the second shift at my workplace. It would be more in line with my apparent circadian rhythms, and one day I may make such a switch. However, such a change would cause schedule conflicts with almost every other aspect of my life, and of society in general. One problem that I have noticed is that contemporary society, especially in the United States, is designed around “morning people.” This is the result of historical patterns based on agricultural schedules. Getting up early is imperative when you work on a farm, and for a long time that was the overwhelming majority of the nation’s population. That’s not the case anymore, but the pattern remains. When I try to schedule an appointment or official visit, the first suggested times are invariably early in the day. For someone who is naturally a night person, this is annoying. I often have to push for a later time, and sometimes I meet resistance. It’s not something that makes me overly angry or upset, but I do find it irritating. Like a mosquito bite.

This upcoming work week is likely to be difficult for me. I’ll have to be at work at 5:00am, and work until 3:30pm. Getting into work that early, and then putting in a ten hour day, is going to be a challenge. I suspect my whole metabolism, and not just my circadian rhythms, will be very unhappy by Friday afternoon.

What do you readers think about this? If you are part of the neurodivergent crowd, are you a night owl? Or an afternoon cruiser? Have you been able to train your circadian rhythms to follow something different than their natural inclination?

Image from Shutterstock.

Thoughts of my father

Today would have been my father’s birthday. Were he still alive today he would be 86 years old. Most of the men in my family never make it that far. I’m hoping to be the first; my personal goal is 87. I don’t remember why I settled on that number, but whatever.

I have outlived him. Actually I passed that point back in July of last summer. He died at the age of 56. I’ll be turning 57 is just under a month. And for some reason I asked myself what he would think about the world of today.

My father probably wouldn’t like the world of today. I suspect he wouldn’t have made it through the G.W. Bush administration. The frustration and general stupidity of that era would have killed him. He had very little use for people who could see reality in front of their face and still miss it. He had even less use for people who could see reality and deliberately ignore it.

The Trump administration would have probably killed him within the first month. People who ignore obvious facts because some charismatic blowhard tells them to were, in his mind, the worst type of people the human race can produce. He had a rather humorous name for them: it took their genetic lineage and compared it to the excrement of a boar.

Dad, you’re probably fortunate that you haven’t seen what the world has become. Perhaps if things improve over the next year or two, your spirit may find some more peace.

System Overload

Sometimes you just gotta stop and… well, just stop.

Have you ever been in a mindset where you just can’t take any more input? A point where every sound, smell, sight, and any other sensation is enough to make you want to run and hide? Becoming overstimulated is something that almost everyone has experienced. And the most common remedy is simple “down time.”

Everybody needs “down time.” That’s when we process the information we’ve acquired in the recent time, usually since our last period of sleep. It’s when our brain files things under experience, updates our collected knowledge, and puts things in perspective. For most people, down time is straightforward, and doesn’t require much thought. Most folks have a quiet meal with their family, enjoy a beer at their favorite hang out, read, listen to music, or whatever. Everyone has their preferred method for unwinding.

But for neurodivergent people, this can be a little more difficult. For starters, a lot of them need more down time than most others, and more frequently. The most common explanation is that for many neurodivergent people, particularly the ones on the higher end of the autistic spectrum, their brains have no filters. The world around them is feeding them a dizzying array of information through all of their senses, at a relentless rate. The stereotype image of an overstimulated neurodivergent has them crouched low, with their arms around themselves, rocking back and forth, and softly muttering. It’s difficult to watch (unless you’re a cruel person enjoys putting them into this state), and even harder to experience.

Overestimation can have a variety of causes, because there are many varieties of people. On the whole, however, if my own experience is anything to go by, most of society doesn’t know how to react when a neurodivergent person becomes overstimulated. Or, as is often said colloquially, “starts having a meltdown.” However, it will be some time before society changes on this front. The process has started, but it’s likely to be slow. So for now, us neurodivergents need to self-manage as best we can.

Before I continue, I want to point out that I am not a therapist or psychiatrist. I’m only describing my own experiences and observations, and what I did to handle them.

One of the first things we can do is recognize what causes us to become overstimulated. These events and experiences are often called “triggers,” for obvious reasons. Loud noises, and sudden light changes are two of the most common categories. Other people can be triggered by more subtle things, like common sound patterns, seeing certain objects or activities, and even smells or colors. If you know certain things are likely to “set you off,” then the smart move is to prepare yourself to roll through it, or even try to avoid it (if possible). I know that’s a real no-brainer, but I thought it worth mentioning.

For example, I occasionally have problems with vertigo and agoraphobia. So, if I know I’m going to be in a situation with a lot of crowds, or being way up high (like on a plane), I try to fortify myself for the sensory assault that I know is coming. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. It’s hard to know beforehand.

Lisa, Xander and I recently went to Louisiana to spend the holidays with Lisa’s extended family. On the whole the trip went very well, but not without some issues. At one point we drove across the Lake Pontchartrain Causeway, which is a very long bridge over that large, shallow, inland sea of a lake. The causeway is generally low to the surface, so I wasn’t expecting a vertigo-related response. However, over the course of the thirty minutes it took to cross the thing, I gradually became rattled. I was driving 60 miles per hour, on a very narrow bridge, with absolute nothingness in all directions! The sensation was akin to falling. I watched those mile markers count down as the distant northern shore came more and more into focus, all the while wishing it would end. That experience left me a wreck for several hours afterward.

Recognizing triggers can be tricky, and sometimes we will have to update our list. I certainly did after that experience. I don’t know of any secret for dealing with triggers, only to know what they are and when they are likely to be flipped. Recognizing triggers may mitigate states of stimulation, but what about those times when it doesn’t?

Earlier, I mentioned how everyone has their own ways of unwinding during their down time. If you can get into one of those, great. After a little time in your comfort zone, you may level out. For a neurodivergent, though, this may take longer than for others.

Another popular trick is the mindfulness method of breathing at a regular pace, and try to take note of your surroundings. Try to identity five things you can see, five you can hear, five you can touch, and sometimes five you can smell or taste. It’s a good way to clear away the noise in your head, if only temporarily.

Another common approach, especially if you don’t have a lot of time, is the Four-Seven-Eight breathing exercise. Quite simply, you deeply inhale for a count to four (or use seconds if you have a time piece), hold your breath for a count to seven, then slowly exhale for a count to eight. This one is especially useful if you’re on the verge of exploding after a sensory onslaught. I’ve been trying to use this one more frequently of late.

Other things I’ve done are to look a window for a few seconds, to remind me of the larger picture. Some people like to take a quick walk to “touch grass.” Different methods work for different people, so if you have a unique decompression exercise that works for you, excellent! The real goal is to not go berserk in public and scare, or hurt, other people. I can understand the desire to sometimes want to, but it usually doesn’t end well. Try not to lash out at the neuro-typicals. They probably don’t understand what’s going on in your head. A lot of them want to understand, and a lot of them are trying. But this is a new social trend. Or more accurately, the decision to take it seriously is new. So it may take a while for them to catch up.

Just keep your cool, in whatever way works best for you, and the over-stimulation will soon ebb.

And now, I’m going to go lay down. I think I got overstimulated writing about over-stimulation.