New year, new blog focus

As a famous frog once said, “It looks like we’ve come to the end of another one…”

It’s a new year, and we’re still here. What the upcoming year will bring is anyone’s guess. Personally, I’m nervous about the elections late in the year. As a citizen of the United States I’m unhappy with some of the trends I see, and I’m downright terrified that so many people are very happy with these same trends. With luck I’ll go into that later.

Right now I want to talk about this blog site. Sometimes it drives me crazy. For the past few years I have tried to follow a pattern of one article a week, but can never maintain it. I have considered shutting this thing down, on several occasions. But I keep holding on to it, even though my apparent inability to regularly update it is causing me anxiety. So this year I’m not going to attempt a regular schedule. I will put up an article when I feel compelled to write about something. If that turns out to be once a week, great. But I’m skeptical. I tend to write when I have something to say, and that doesn’t always follow a timetable. That’s been the schedule I’ve effectively been following, so that won’t change. I now think that part of my problem is a lack of a consistent theme. Most content creators, even tiny ones like me, tend to focus on one topic, or a small group of closely related topics. Until now I haven’t been doing that.

One issue I have had, especially during 2023, was that I wanted to address topics that would have caused some real-world problems. Topics that, had they been breached through this online forum, would have been completely inappropriate. Sometimes they dealt with personal issues that simply shouldn’t be talked about online, other times they involved other people in my life that wanted to handle things their own way, and sometimes I was not in a state of mind that was conducive to writing. In the long run it probably doesn’t matter what my reasons were. However, some of those issues have since fallen away. One thing that has changed is that during the past year I have learned several things about myself and the world around me. My last major set of articles followed my stormy career path, and how it came to a pitiful end. That period of introspection turned over a lot of rocks.

I am considered neurodivergent. Which is to say, I see the world, and everything in it, through a lens that is very different from what most people see. For starters, I suffer from a variation of post-traumatic-stress-disorder, usually called just PTSD. It’s unlike most cases of PTSD, in that I didn’t go through a highly traumatic, dangerous, or threatening experience that through my entire world for a loop. (Though some of my experiences from my high school years might qualify.) Instead, I endured a long, sustained barrage of low-level stress issues, that over time created in me a response pattern that is in line with PTSD. Instead of facing a big and terrible experience, I faced a constant flow of small ones. Instead of my psyche being messed up by a few blows with a sledgehammer, it was worn down by a sandblaster. My time with the Library of Congress certainly provided that. I think there is a special name for this variant of PTSD, but I don’t remember it, and I don’t want to trust an internet search engine. I’ll ask my therapist when I see them later this week.

It is also very likely that I am on the autistic spectrum. I seem to be on what is considered the functional end of it (whatever that means…), but I have several of the key issues. The most apparent being that I can get over-stimulated and need to isolate myself. If I can’t, I become increasingly agitated and hard to deal with, and eventually I can’t really function at all. I suspect I’ve put Lisa through some pretty terrible phases over the past few years, especially near the end of Michael’s life. The true nature of my neurodivergency is still being determined. But whatever it is, I am a member of that demographic.

Which finally brings me to my point. At this point my late father would be absolutely seething, and thundering “Get to the point!!” Sorry, dad. But sometimes the point makes no sense unless you use beating around the bush to provide context. As a neurodivergent man in his mid-fifties, I may have some insights into this chaotic world that some people may find helpful, or at least comforting. The world can be crazy, and it doesn’t have a lot of patience for people who think differently, or view the world through a different lens. Perhaps I can help a few people with this. I’ll at least try.

That being said, this blog is likely to take on a different tone. I plan to examine some of the less comfortable aspects of neurodivergency, and how it can effect the everyday person. It can worm it’s way into life in ways that one could never imagine, and create a lot of discord. Other times it can provide a different way of looking at things that may not be obvious or apparent. I hope to look into some of these instances. Where possible I’ll use personal experience, and avoid indulging in self-pity. At any rate, it may get pretty dark in here.

So, it’s a new year, and I’m going try doing something different. Let’s turn over some of these rocks.

Update, January 3

Apparently the variation of PTSD that I appear to have is simply called C-PTSD, for “complex post-traumatic stress disorder.” I have two observations on this. First, George Carlin would have had an absolute field day with that collection of buzzwords. Second, I thought it had a fancier name, perhaps with a Latin word in it. I’m actually a tad disappointed. I guess I was overthinking things.

The Ephemeral Constant

Looking back at 2022, and forward to 2023.

Well, it’s that time of year again. The time when we look back at the closing year, and make tentative plans for the upcoming one.

Most people agree that 2022 was an eventful year, especially on the national level. Between the surprising outcome of the mid-term elections and the findings of the January Sixth Committee, the news has never been stagnant. From my perspective, some of the divisive partisan trends seem to be receding, so perhaps the insanity that has defined this country for much of the last decade is coming to a close. I hope that’s the case, though I’m not willing to place any bets on it, and I won’t fully believe it until I see it. But that’s all I want to say about the national political scene today. I’m sure I’ll go back to parts of it in more detail sooner or later.

I’m looking at things on a more personal level. For me, 2022 saw a lot of self-discovery, and re-evaluating a lot of long held beliefs. Most of these were not what would be considered drastic or life changing, because they tended to deal with specific topics and issues. But there were a lot of them, and their cumulative effect has been, shall we say, comprehensive. Social issues that I didn’t give much attention to in the past were pulled to the forefront, and their importance and relevance in many areas is very apparent to me now. Issues with my mental and physical health, which didn’t overly concern me, surprised me (any my family!) in some very unsettling ways. As a result I’m gradually re-arranging many aspects of my life, and am actually starting to take better care of myself. This is also something else I hope to delve into later.

Change is everywhere. There is a cliché expression about change being the only real constant in life. All kidding aside, there is a lot of truth to that. The Buddhist tradition often speaks about how ephemeral the world around us is. The word the core writings like to use is “impermanent.” What seemed like an absolute truth on Monday is written off as a passing illusion by Friday. What seemed like a trivial issue on Saturday turns out to be something of paramount importance the following Tuesday. Elaborate plans made on Tuesday needed to be changed around by Wednesday, re-organized and re-structured again on Thursday, and then postponed or even scrapped on Friday. Day to day events, even small ones, can have lasting effects on our lives in ways we can’t really anticipate, control, or immediately notice. But when we do, the only real option we have is adjust.

One thing to remember is that our perception of things at a specific moment isn’t necessarily wrong. On Monday, we may have a picture perfect take of the world around us, and the plans and reactions we set forth make perfect sense. But by late Tuesday we realize that our plans either need to be adjusted because something changed, or something new entered the picture. We may ask ourselves if we made a “mistake” somewhere, by not anticipating changes, or by not having contingencies for it. But did you actually make a “mistake” on Monday? Could you have anticipated everything that could have happened on Tuesday? Or even events on Monday that you had no way or knowing about, or even have any reason to consider? Could you have possibly anticipated every possible change or had a contingency for every possible variation of every circumstance? Of course not. These new and unknown events are what forced you to re-design Monday’s plans. It doesn’t have anything to do with your life management skills.

So I guess if you’re going to make big plans for the future, it’s a good idea to have flexibility in your overall schedule. Plan things so that the specific day to day details can be adjusted without notice, and allow for flexibility in your timetable, should one detail or project need to go on hold so as to make room for another. If you keep most of your wits about it, you should still eventually reach your final goal. Though you may end up taking a route you didn’t expect.

This idea of impermanence is not an easy one to describe or explain, and I don’t have a good history of dealing with it. One of the things I discovered about my self during the past year, was that I’ve made some downright stupid decisions along the way, and I often didn’t handle change well. Now that I’m more aware of this fact, perhaps this year will be different. For example, once again I hope to update this blog on a weekly basis. I’ve tried this before but never maintained it, but I’m going to try again.

Let’s see what 2023 compels me to talk about.

Be gone 2020

I’ve said it before: New Year’s Day has never been one of my favorite holidays. But this year, I’m fine with it. As I write this, 2020 is in its final death throws. In less than 72 hours it will be added to the ever growing scroll of history, and good riddance to it. In the course of the last 12 months the world has seen all kinds of crazy stuff, and many of us are at a breaking point.

The one aspect of 2020 that has dominated the collective conscience more than anything else is the pandemic of Covid-19, also known as the corona virus. It has disrupted almost every facet of all people’s lives, and the residual effects are going to continue well into the future. I don’t have to go into how the partial quarantine has altered things. People grumble about it all the time. We have also seen how the social distancing guidelines have thrown us for a loop, often in ways we couldn’t have imagined.

We have seen that we can survive without certain luxuries. Frequently eating at nice restaurants is fun. But it’s also expensive, and with social distancing guidelines in place it can be very rather risky. Going shopping can be fun, but the typical shopping mall is a serious vector for C-19, and probably best avoided. Many popular entertainment venues, like movie theaters and amusements parks, have been silent since April. And as it turns out, we can live without them. But we don’t really want to. These luxuries are some of the things that make life enjoyable, so it would be unfortunate if they went away forever. Sadly, in some areas that is happening. The economic fallout from eight months of low activity is proving too much to handle, especially for places with high operating or maintenance costs.

OK, so those of us who enjoy some of life’s perks have been getting by with less. Fine and good, but other things have become apparent. There are many people who never had the resources to enjoy these luxuries. They have been living from paycheck to paycheck for years, so extravagances like the ones I mentioned were never on their docket. And then there are the people who worked in service industries that were closed down during the pandemic, and are still not expected to full re-open until spring of 2021. All of those restaurants, shopping malls, entertainment venues and the like, provided people with jobs and livelihoods. When the pandemic went into full swing, they were suddenly unemployed or under-employed.

I experienced some of that myself. My company provides logistical support to a variety of other companies, including restaurants and shopping venues. When a large portion of our client base went dormant, our workload dropped. For almost three months I was working at reduced hours. Given that our clients also include hospitals and grocery supply chains, we were considered an essential workforce component, so we kept working. But even so we were under-employed, and that created some financial strain. I have to cringe when I think about those who completely lost their jobs.

We also saw how inefficient our health care system really is. Hospitals and clinics did their best to manage and control the spread, flow, and treatment of Covid-19. But shortfalls in logistical management, and some very poor leadership from the government, often meant that these facilities didn’t have the resources they needed. Of all the world’s nations who have had to struggle with Covid-19, it can be argued that the United States has handled it worse than anyone else. At this writing (30 Dec 2020, 11AM), 339,000 Americans have died from Covid-19 (according to the New York Times, via Google). The unemployment rate is 6.7%, which is lower than I expected, but still rather alarming. However, the under-employment rate is 13.7%, which doesn’t surprise me. Mind you, measuring “under employment” is inherently subjective, so there may be some flawed statistics in there. But just the idea of more than one out of every ten people is under-employed is enough to give pause.

We’ve also seen how selfish some of us can be. While finances get tighter and tighter for the average worker, a very small percentage acted like war profiteers and made billions during the pandemic. Prices for many goods and services have gone up, while the cash flow to the average worker remained stagnant. We even had some civil leaders say it was more important for the average worker to risk contracting Covid-19 by returning to work, than it was for the economy to remain stalled. There were those who decided it was more important that they continue to enjoy life’s luxuries, than allowing those less affluent to be safe.

A Covid-19 vaccine is starting to be circulated. It will take three or four months for it to work it’s way through a sufficient portion of the population to be effective. But even so, an end to the pandemic seems to be in sight. Then, as the saying goes, we can get back to “normal.” I am going to join those who have been saying that we shouldn’t go back to “normal,” because we’ve seen what a mess “normal” can be. Something like this pandemic is likely to happen again, be it another disease, a natural disaster, or a massive social upheaval. We need to be better prepared for it, and we should learn from our mistake.

Can we learn from our mistakes?


Image credit: http://www.psdgraphics.com/graphics/year-2020-in-flames-psd/

Dems good eats

Operation Caracal, Part 6

Day 12, January 1, 2017

If this day would be summed up in one word, that word would be food. All regional members of the Vedeckis extended family gathered at Ms. Mary and Mr. Wayne’s home, and spent the afternoon mingling, burning sparklers, and eating.

Unlike the structured Christmas dinner of the previous week, this was a free-form, buffet-style affair. I found Mr. Wayne’s red beans and rice to be one of the best versions of that dish I had ever had, so I asked him if there was secret ingredient involved. There was no secret ingredient, but there was a hard to find one. He used a rue mix as the base for the sauce, and this mix is made by the Blue Runner Foods company. Near as I can tell, this brand isn’t available in upper Virginia, though I’m keeping my eyes open. If I can’t find it, then I may have to have some shipped in, or, the next time we visit Louisiana I’ll have to stock up on it!

This recipe, from the Blue Runner Foods web site, is very close to the one Mr. Wayne used.

Red Beans and Rice

  • 2 tablespoons mild olive oil
  • 2 cups ham or pickled pork, diced into1-inch pieces
  • 2 cups Andouille smoked sausage, sliced into half-rounds, 1/4″ thick
  • 2 bay leaves
  • 1 cup finely diced green bell pepper
  • 2 cups finely diced celery
  • 3 cups finely diced yellow onion
  • 4 teaspoons minced fresh garlic
  • 1 Tablespoon salt
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground cayenne pepper
  • 1/4 teaspoon dried whole-leaf thyme
  • 1 teaspoon dried whole-leaf oregano
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground cumin
  • 1 cup finely diced canned tomato
  • 8 cups water
  • 1 lb. red kidney beans, washed
  • 4 tablespoons finely chopped flat-leaf parsley
  1. Heat the olive oil in a large pot over medium heat. Add the ham or pickled pork and cook, stirring occasionally, until the meat begins to brown, 5-6 minutes. Add the sausage and cook, stirring occasionally, until the sausage begins to brown, 5-6 minutes.
  2. Add the bay leaves, bell pepper, celery, and onion. Cook, stirring occasionally, until the onions begin to brown, 8-10 minutes.
  3. Reduce heat to low. Add the garlic, salt, black pepper, cayenne, thyme, oregano, and cumin. Cook, stirring occasionally, for 2-3 minutes.
  4. Add the tomato and cook, stirring occasionally, for 2-3 minutes.
  5. Add the water and bring the mixture to a boil. Reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.
  6. Add the beans. Cook, covered, for 1 hour.
  7. Remove the lid and stir in the parsley. Raise heat to medium-low. Cook uncovered, stirring occasionally, until the beans are tender and the broth has a gravy-like consistency, 1 to 1 1/2 hours. Remove bay leaves and serve with cooked rice.

This recipe can easily be customized. For example, to make this more diabetic-friendly, serve over brown rice instead white rice. Brown rice has fewer of the “bad carbs” that cause diabetics so much angst.

The gathering had broken up by late afternoon. That was when the Culpeper clan reluctantly started packing their bags for the return trip to Virginia.

To be concluded.


Caracal travelogue:

  1. Operation Caracal
  2. Louisiana down time
  3. Driveabout
  4. Michabelle Inn
  5. Arrival 2017AD
  6. Dems good eats
  7. First transition